Zap2it has some superficial, arbitrary assumptions on the Season 13 cast members, too. And with the 12 contestants getting ready to hit the floor for the first time tonight (Sept. 19), it's our last chance to present our strongest (and weakest) hopefuls before they show us what they've got.
Factoring in potential fan appeal, assumptions on physical ability, partners and input from our bedazzled magic eight ball, we're more or less settled on how Season 13 will likely play out -- until we change our mind tomorrow. Have a look:
The presumably doomed:
Chynna Phillips
A lot folks say she's looking good, but we don't think this is the member of Wilson Phillips "DWTS" fans want to see on the show. (Was Carnie busy?) Also: partner Tony Dovolani, talented nice guy that he is, rarely manages to take anyone very far in the competition.
Rob Kardashian
If a lady Kardashian can't make it a month in, Rob probably can't stand much of a chance for success either. Partner Cheryl Burke is a powerhouse, but rumors of his relaxed rehearsal schedule have us thinking Rob might not be cut out for the rigors of "DWTS."
Nancy Grace
We've taken an informal poll, and no one is going to vote for you. Sorry.
The dark horses:
Carson Kressley
Kressley doesn't spend as much time on the tube as he did in his "Queer Eye" days, but early promos and rehearsal shots have show that he remains quite charming. We also wouldn't be surprised if he has a surplus of rhythm.
Chaz Bono
Who has gotten the most publicity heading into Season 13? Chaz Bono. Who has equeal chances of alienating or endearing the "DWTS" fanbase? Chaz Bono. Who could we see getting the first cut or making it to the finale? Chaz Bono. Seriously, anything could happen with this one.
J.R. Martinez
Virtually unknown to primetime audiences, we have very little to go on with J.R. But he does have a solid partner in Karina Smirnoff and an unbeatable personal story, given the "All My Children" star's trials in Iraq.
The contenders:
Ron Artest
History shows that "DWTS" voters love professional athletes. History also shows that basketball players find less success on the competition than most sports stars. Still, folks love them some Metta World Peace.
David Arquette
This one goes into the premiere with the most personality. Arquette is always on and will almost definitely ingratiate himself with viewers right off the bat. The bizarre thought of him dancing, however, makes him a bit of a wild card.
Elisabetta Canalis
Listed as a favorite by most odds-makers, we're a little more skeptical of Clooney's ex-girlfriend. She's got the look -- and the least legitimate fame of the entire cast. And on this show, that's saying something.
The frontrunners:
Kristin Cavallari
Excluding the female pros, nobody in this cast looks better in a flimsy ballgown. No one. Cavallari would have to be completely lacking in moves to not go far this season.
Ricki Lake
Don't underestimate this lady. She's parlayed a niche acting career into a life as a TV personality and advocate, remaining in the public eye since the '80s. She also has returning pro Derek Hough at her side, and everyone knows he's a "DWTS" kingmaker.
Hope Solo
Athlete? Check. Lovely? Check. Long-overdue-for-a-win Maksim Chmerkovskiy for a partner? Check. This gorgeous soccer goalie is our favorite going into the premiere.
We'll see how our theories shape up during the premiere performance show, but for now, who are your favorites?
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Photo/Video credit: ABC
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